March 6, 1982 Saturday Late Afternoon
PAUL: Raj, I am back. I just finished the meditation. I am afraid I was not able to stay at that fine line and, instead, went past it a number of times. As a result, I cannot say that I was able to remain in a position of observing the unfolding regarding what I was to contemplate.
RAJ: Paul, do not be concerned. It was, nevertheless, of benefit to you. We conversed, and you were active during the periods when you were not in sensory contact with your environment.
I want you to consider for a moment that you are very structural regarding what is and what is not right, and what is and what is not done properly when it comes to yourself. it takes very little for you to feel that you have not done well enough—or that you have not measured up to the mark—and therefore, you are deserving of those negative feelings which are appropriate for such a person.
This is unfortunate, because each successive, little dig you have made at yourself—by pointing out to yourself those ways in which you have not measured up—has developed into a rather strong subjective “put down” of yourself. This subjective “put down” is part of what tells you that you can’t move beyond where you are, or you can’t see this, or you don’t know what the answer is to that, et cetera.
You must learn to flow. You must learn that you are not self-directed in the sense of being a puppet with no strings attached, three-dimensionally speaking. From this standpoint, you will always seem to be a puppet with strings attached, and you will not have hold of the controls. From the standpoint of being as Conscious Being, as Fourth-dimensional Man, the concept of strings and controls is irrelevant.
I point this out because, after having a wonderful, productive period of meditation, you spontaneously, immediately and without questioning, were criticizing yourself because you did not do exactly what I had told you to do. The fact is that there is no justifiable reason to be found for self-criticism.
Watch for this in your experience, and don’t continue in this habit.
PAUL: Very well, Raj. I will certainly do my best.
RAJ: Now, Paul, I want you to take a break. Get the lay of the land in your home, and then we will continue.
PAUL: Very well, Raj. Thank you.