March 2, 1982 Tuesday
PAUL: [Period of Meditation]
Good evening, Raj.
RAJ: Good evening, Paul. I want you to realize that you are constantly living in the Light of your Being. It constitutes You. It constitutes the atmosphere you move and be in. It is never absent, and it is never out.
I am glad you did a meditation before beginning our conversation. I would like you to do this kind of meditation more often when we are not speaking together, just to provide yourself with the experience of moving into a deep meditation without losing contact with your world. You have found that you can be in a much deeper state of meditation while not losing any sensory awareness of the first three dimensions. I would like you to get more experience at this.
PAUL: I shall endeavor to do it, Raj.
RAJ: Paul, I want you to take a few more minutes to get even deeper.
PAUL: Alright, Raj.
[I then took a short break.]
Raj, as you are probably aware, we seem to be at a crossroads here. Demands are being made for payment or return of the copy equipment. Specific steps need to be taken regarding Julie’s schooling, since the setup with the tutor is not as desirable as it ought to be. I have been being consistent for the last three weeks in giving as much attention as possible to our conversations—to growing, being willing to let go of old concepts, and to expanding. I feel that a tremendous amount of expansion has occurred. I find that there seems to be very little change in terms of income, or supply, or in the schooling situation, et cetera, et cetera.
I even got over the hump of talking with my Supply, and have done it twice now. Both times it has indicated to me that the definitely needed $5000 was on its way, and was a completed fact when I had the first conversation. Since that time, we have only received bills.
From a finite perspective, I have neglected my responsibility in favor of going within and being as Fourth-dimensional Man, as Conscious Being. And I believe that I have done it willingly and totally with all my heart. And yet, not even a small part of the $5000 has come into view. The situation seems to be growing worse.
I am not saying that I am looking for a pat on the back or a reward for what I have been doing, since it has been most satisfying. I have felt that I was on the right track. But at the same time, it seems to me that if the One constitutes the Many, and if I have been being true to my Self, then there ought to be some practical evidence of it in terms of an improved living situation.
RAJ: Go ahead and state the rest of your question.
PAUL: I guess I’m wondering whether or not I need to lead sort of a double life. In other words, do I need to be living according to three-dimensional structures part of the time? Then, when I am with you and other times, continue in what we have been doing together in experiencing the unfolding of my Being as Conscious Being? Must they be kept separate?
Have I misunderstood or misinterpreted what has been unfolding, insofar as I felt that, if I devoted myself completely and totally to being the Door, that in so many words “all these things shall be added unto you?” Is there an even larger picture that I am unaware of that will become clear?
I definitely feel the need for clarification on these points.
RAJ: Paul, you have been faithful. You have been attentive. You have been cooperative, willing, and have indeed, grown a lot during the last three weeks. You have listened to what I have said. It has made sense to you. You have believed it, and acted accordingly.
The need now is to be willing to go all the way. You were correct that there are innumerable structural safeguards against breaking through the three-dimensional frame of reference. You are running into them popping up in front of you—as a fun house ride. They are calculated to scare you into backing off and not proceeding any further. You must be willing to stand with what is unifying to your conscious experience of being as Fourth-dimensional Man, rather than what is disintegrating or disunifying to you.
PAUL: Is it this difficult for everyone?
RAJ: In each one’s way, it is. Yes, indeed.
PAUL: You are saying that, if necessary, I must be willing to let everything apparently collapse around me, and be unmoved?
RAJ: There is no other way. Mind you, the key word there is “willingness,” The emphasis is not meant to be placed on the collapse of everything around you.
PAUL: Does this mean that the unfoldment cannot be harmonious?
RAJ: No it does not. But, you are not going to see that harmony of it when your attention is focused on the appearance.
You see, Paul, all of you is always present, and all of you is always functioning. This means there is nothing that exists that can be added to you. What you are doing is already done. What you are learning, you already Know. You are in the process of simply beginning to experience what has always been true of you and as You.
PAUL: But it seems like I am experiencing it only within.
RAJ: There is no other way to experience it.
PAUL: But why does there seem to be an inconsistency between what I am experiencing within, and what is manifest as visibility and tangibility in the three-dimensional frame of reference?
RAJ: This is perhaps one of the most difficult things to grasp, and I have reiterated it many times. Your Substance, or Supply, also brought it out to you, and that is: As long as you are bouncing back and forth, from inside to outside, to verify what is going on “out there” against what is going on “in here,” you are losing the continuity of being as Conscious Being.
The necessity is to be willing to stand still as Conscious Being. It is similar to using a P.A. system which you have set up in your house, and from which you can speak through speakers which are in your front yard. If you stop speaking into the microphone to go out into the yard to see whether they are working, you will naturally find no sound coming out of them, because you have left the microphone and are not speaking into it.
You could easily come to the conclusion that the speakers were not functioning properly when, in fact, the only reason they were not broadcasting your voice is that you were not at your place at the microphone. There is no way to make it any clearer at this point.
In effect, I have shown you where the microphone is. I have shown you what it feels like to be there. I have shown you how to get there, and how to get back when you slip away. Believe it or not, I am working with you to help facilitate your ability to stand at and as that Place.
PAUL: Raj, something is blocking me from being able to be comfortable with what you are saying.
RAJ: I would think by now that “comfortable” and “uncomfortable” would no longer be valid guideposts for you, since those are three-dimensional points of view. You know that when you are in that Place, you are experiencing Absolute Comfort, undivided in any way. If you want to bounce back out onto the surface of your finite consciousness, you will, indeed, find comfort and discomfort, pain and pleasure, gain and loss.
I am afraid, Paul, that this is the one essential step which you must make yourself. I can encourage you to take it. I can explain to you why you can take it. But it has to come from within your Being. What is blocking it is simply fear. There is no actual opposition or roadblock.
PAUL: In the past, I have experienced healings without taking this radical step. I have experienced benefits of prayer and metaphysical work. I did not have to be under the gun, so to speak. Isn’t unfoldment supposed to be natural?
RAJ: It doesn’t really matter how it has been in the past, and it doesn’t really matter how you think it ought to be. This is simply the way it is. These are the factors which you are given to deal with.
A radical stand is required, and you are not being given any alternative. The eye of the needle is unyielding, and you must pass through it on its terms.
Now, you can wait until your experience becomes so uncomfortable and unyielding that you realize this is the only choice you have. Or, you can act on it now, when it is not really causing you to knuckle under and say “Uncle.” You can’t glide through this one on the surface.
If you feel that you are backed into a corner, the fact is that you are. The only way out of this one is to grow. And you have no choice about it.
PAUL: Raj, I need some time to let this sink in.
RAJ: I understand.
PAUL: I will get back with you.
RAJ: That’s fine, Paul. I will be waiting, and I will be with you. Do not forget that. You are not doing this in a total void.
PAUL: I appreciate that. I will be back with you. Thank you.