Feburary 20, 1982 Saturday
PAUL: Raj, once again I feel confused. I am disappointed that I am not being able to stay on what feels like an even keel. I am doubting that all of this is doing any good. That doubt is just on one level. At another level, I feel everything is right on. But there is a part of me that is questioning whether any of this is valid.
I do not mean to be insulting to you. I am just reporting what is going on in my thought.
RAJ: I understand Paul. Don’t be afraid to share what you are feeling. It does not constitute the whole of your being, just a rather shallow, surface part. This continual flip-flopping back and forth is providing you with some perspective.
In the past, when you have flip-flopped, it has been accepted by you in a negative way. There was no real perspective that there is far more to you than just what you are feeling at any moment. Now this larger view of yourself is becoming clearer to you as each day goes by.
I never said this was going to be easy. It was only out of simple ignorance that you might have thought that it would be. I recognize that you do not mind the labor involved, and that is good.
You are wondering why you are getting these challenges, why there seem to be a bunch of ninnies around your house running off halfcocked, not experiencing the calm equilibrium that comes from within, and bouncing around on the surface of their thoughts as though it were a trampoline.
It must become clear to you that you are looking for support for your point of growth in those around you, insofar as you want them to at least respect what you are doing, and hopefully, have some inner appreciation for what is happening in your experience.
When you are feeling in a weak or vulnerable position, you have a tremendous tendency to reach out to anyone and everyone around you to validate your position, so you can feel at ease. Paul, this does not strengthen you. I can see that you are getting the idea that you must follow through for your sake, no matter what.
I reassure you again that being as Conscious Being does not destroy your world, nor does it destroy you. It simply destroys processes within your frame of mind which have been based on false assumptions and beliefs. You do not need to be afraid that it will tear your marriage apart, tear your family apart, or tear your life apart.
Paul, as you were beginning to see very slightly yesterday, the three-dimensional frame of reference is very thin. It literally has no Substance in it. You are beginning to see how much more substantial things are from the standpoint of Conscious Being—wherein all facets of your life are discerned from the vantage point of their meaning—instead of the way they appear to the five senses.
PAUL: I do not understand why my attention is being unceremoniously grabbed by jagged, angular attitudes expressed around me. My need is to be able to be in a place where I can experience things from the standpoint of Conscious Being, which is very calm, relaxed, and unfluttered—especially right now when I don’t feel particularly strong or secure in that position.
RAJ: Paul, your statement is not quite accurate. You have realized that these angular, jagged attitudes, as you have put it, are uncomfortable for you. They are experienced as a demand for you to be strong when you do not feel strong.
Paul, the only reason the demand for strength is being placed upon you is because that is what the specific enlightenment is all about. It is bursting the sense of limitation you have about your own inner strength. You can embrace a feeling of eagerness in the bursting of that belief, because it is essential that it be consciously experienced as a part of the integrity of your Being—as You.
You see, your strength is constituted of the cohesiveness of the energies that constitute the fact that you are One, and not divided into Self and no-self, conscious and unconscious, “in here” and “out there.” When I have said that you are the One that constitutes the Many, it means that you are the One that is infinite. You must grasp the idea that the Many referred to are in no way separated or isolated from the One that is You that is experiencing them. The One never does become split up into Many. When you say “Many, meaning the infinitude of the One, that word “Many” must mean One, infinitely expressed. Your three-dimensional frame of reference, which you are not entirely free of, is inclined to insinuate a separateness of the Many. But it does not make that separateness a fact. You will need to strengthen your awareness of the fact that when the word “Many” is used, it means one infinite One. Think about that, Paul.
As you move along, you will find that you have entertained three-dimensional concepts which include the sense of separateness. You will find that not only will your world be experienced in a more cohesive awareness of Oneness, but, likewise, those implied thoughts of separateness will be overhauled. They will either be cast out or seen in a new light.
There is a lot going on in your experience, Paul, but I must come back to the fact that all of it is Your Self, bringing Itself into clearer focus. It is not happening to you.
Again, I reiterate that you will be faced with demands to operate at the three-dimensional level of separateness—of separate individualities “out there,” vying for your attention and requiring that you operate according to the three-dimensional systems which are called “law.“
You are correct that these are simply dinner bells aimed at turning your attention to the specific unfoldment or enlightenment which is growing within you, moment by moment. You are correctly discovering that you must actively pursue your enlightenment. That simply means that you must actively and purposefully put yourself in that Place where the enlightenment can be discerned. You need to do this, even though the outer demands seem to require that you get into these shallow, surface emotions and abide there in the shit for a time, as though it had some blessing for you other than simply making you stink.
You are managing to be sucked in more than momentarily, but I invite you to be even more aggressive in your conviction to get into the Place where you are at this moment.
Again, I invite you to pay attention to where you are right now, as broadly as you are able while speaking. You will notice that you are not anxious. You will notice that you feel perfectly capable of dealing with whatever might occur in the next few moments. You are also aware that there are some events which could occur which will ring your bell, so to speak, causing strong reaction of anxiety. When we finish speaking this afternoon, I want you to stay where you are. From this place of Peace and Cohesiveness, I want you to consider these experiences of “anxiety attacks” and see what you can learn about their causes. Why do you feel that it is necessary to be anxious under those circumstances? Listen for clarification on these points.
Again, Paul, each One is responsible for his own growth. Each One is responsible for his enlightenment. Each One is responsible for any suffering that he seems to experience. You can in no way be responsible for any of those things in what you call “another.” Your responsibility is to leave them free to be that Being which you know is Your Being, since Being is One. You know what constitutes the activity and unfoldment of Being.
Whatever they may be experiencing, no matter how hard they may cry and pull at your heartstrings, the fact remains that you can do nothing about it. The fact remains that they need to be up against a hard place because their own Being is in the process of revealing as their conscious experience that they are not bound by the hard place which confronts them.
This hard place is nothing more than the limit of some belief they are entertaining. The pressure they feel is truly their Divine Being removing the block. There are further implications and understandings to what I have just said, but you can discover those for yourself.
Paul, I am aware you are afraid that, if you are true to your Self, you will lose things which you find of value—things which you imagine are in your experience because of certain constructive and developmental patterns of behavior and thought. The fact remains, however, that they were not in your experience for those reasons.
As you have enough guts to be true to your Self, you will find that you will no longer follow those patterns. You are aware of that, and that is why you are afraid of losing something of value. All that will be lost are the misconceptions. You will find that the things of value will remain, because they weren’t in your experience for the reasons you thought they were in the first place.
I know you wrote down a lot of questions, and I know it will be very interesting for you to learn the answers, but we are going to take things in a very orderly fashion. And what we have just discussed is the next essential step.
I would like for you to transcribe this conversation. Give it your consideration for awhile this afternoon. Afterwards, I would like to have a further conversation with you. Please see to it that you do make time this evening for our next conversation.
In the meantime, be not afraid to be your Self. Observe to what extent you use other people, by getting your “hooks” into them, in order to make yourself feel that you are doing the right thing. You cannot use other people to validate your position. The only way your position can become validated is for you to see it fully and completely as your conscious experience. That is our objective at this point.