February 5 1991 Tuesday
Raj: Paul, I am aware that there is a great deal of fear. But I would point out that you are looking at the hole instead of the doughnut. I would encourage you to remember that we are talking about coming Home. We are talking about you coming into the clearer experience of Who You Are. We are talking about the experience of fearless Integrity. We are talking about Wholeness. We are talking about Presence—not finite, separated presence, but inclusive Presence, embracing Presence. We are talking about you being more You than you have ever experienced yourself to be before. We are talking about a Peace experienced inescapably as the very Nature of You, which causes the apparent need for defense to be so totally ridiculous as to not deserve a moment of your attention.
You know that until recently, you have experienced almost nine years of peace—the absence of fear—the willingness to abide at that ungrounded point of equilibrium in which you were able to allow fulfillment of purpose to occur without taking on any sense of personal responsibility for making it happen. And, if I may put it this way, knowing your place in that process or movement.
Remember also that when you allow yourself to be Centered, your perspective is excellent. And when I say, “be with me,” I am saying, be Centered at all times. I promise you that if you open the door to stick your head outside of your Centered perspective to see what the ego is doing, or whether there is justification for not being Centered, you will find justification for not being Centered, because the nature of experience outside of your Centered place is representative of all that is unlike God. Not that there is actually anything unlike God, but if you are going to look away from God to see something else, then you will necessarily experience a state of conflict—let us say an experience of that which is not Real.
If you want the true picture, you must move into your Center and observe all there is to be observed from there, from God’s perspective. The desire to know God’s Will is the desire to have no other Consciousness of Will than the only one there is. You, being with me Consciously, constitutes You being in your right Mind. You being in your right Mind—not you sacrificing your mind for me.
To be with me, you must be Conscious, and so you cannot disappear out of the picture. But the separated, distorted sense of you, acquired in the unconsciousness of God, will be lost. That which obscures You from you will be lost. Indeed, it seems like a great and profound sacrifice, a loss of everything you thought had integrity. But, you see, the gaining of integrity which occurs in the ignorance of God is not Integrity, and constitutes the loss of your Conscious experience of your actual or real Integrity.
Now, indeed, you are at a point where you must dare to trust that there is a God; that there is something Real—immovably, eternally Real—going on, and that your sacrifice of your well-developed limited sense of self will not constitute death or loss, but that the Real experience of Who You Are will come into view, become consciously available to you, and it will not feel foreign or unfamiliar to you. Rather, you will feel more like you than you ever felt before—just as the degree to which you have yielded during the past nine years has uncovered to you an experience of yourself which is far more secure, far less vulnerable, far more peaceful, far less fearful than at any prior time.
As you have commented many times, life has been far from dull since you first threw your anchor beyond the limits of your ego. Have you become something you don’t recognize? Have you become, shall I say, a less meaningful presence in the world? Or has more of what you have been doing, and has more of what you have been being, been meaningful? We are talking about, for lack of better words, an increase of that same experience.
Do you not wish to feel more real, and therefore less in need of defense? Would you not like to be finished with the trek Home, and engaged in being at Home. You have devoted yourself, your whole life to coming Home. It has been a conscious intent since you were just a toddler. And you did not engage in it for appearances. You engaged in it whether or not anyone else understood or agreed.
Indeed, you say it feels as though I’m pulling you through a knot-hole, but your Conscious Intent is pulling you out of the tininess. And I am standing in confirmation of that movement. But, like the chick pecking its way out of the egg, you must persist and come out on your own. You have a cheering section, as I have said. And I can say to you, “Good work.” And in your exhaustion from the effort, you might say, “thanks a lot, but that’s no help.” But, indeed, Paul, it is help. And although your ego is saying, “Crawl back into the shell,” which is no help, you are choosing most diligently to listen to me saying, “Good work.”
Although it does not seem justifiable on the basis of experience that you remember, you are daring to say that the cracking and collapsing of the security of the shell that you have functioned in does not constitute the end of existence, but emergence into a more vast experience of Being.