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When the soul chooses to serve God,
it serves mystery beyond reproach.
It is that which can be trusted completely.
February 17, 1989
The fire blazes before me as Kendra sits down on the couch, handing me a cup of hot spiced wine.
“A bit early for a touch of vino, don’t you think?”
“You know me! It’s Saturday, and it’s never too early to enjoy my day off. Besides, not all of us have the freedom to traipse off to Hawaii!”
I make no response. I just look into her eyes. I remember thinking exactly that way. Was it just a short time ago? Did I really believe I was not free to follow the depth of my heart, and that ‘reality’ was out there, in a job I didn’t really love? Of course I did. In this internal tugof-war, a part of me clearly still believes I, too, should ‘get back down to earth’, except that an emerging larger part of me - a part I am only beginning to know - simply won’t succumb to that anymore.
Kendra seems to be knowing exactly what I am thinking.
“I guess I am still using my freedom to insist on this habit of living I am so familiar with!” She smiles weakly, and sips her hot spiced wine.
Glancing at the manuscript in its light blue cover, she looks at me. “Is that what I think it is?”
“Yes. It doesn’t feel like it’s done yet, but yes, that’s it. I thought you could, you know, read it through for me, while I’m gone.”
Her hands rests on it, but she suddenly changes her mood, and mind.
“So, you never told me what happened on your winter excursion into the mountains.”
I was really hoping she wouldn’t ask. It has been a month since that trip, yet her question evokes effortlessly a renewal of the impact that day has had; I wonder if it will ever really move from the present into the category of ‘history’. My hand shakes a bit as I put down my hurriedly emptied cup, and move to stand nearer the fire. There are parts of that journey I don’t want to share. Things that disturbed me. I elect to take a well trodden path.
“First, the good news! I found my way to a stream, and brushed the snow off a large rock, sat down, and waited.”
“What happened?” she asks.
“Nothing. Well, for sometime, nothing, that is. Except that I fell into this delightful rhythm. It seemed like my breathing naturally found its way into resonance with the sound of the water flowing over nearby rocks.”
I move back to sit facing her on the sofa, and take her hands in mine impulsively.
“That’s when I heard her.”
“Her? You mean Jeshua, don’t you?”
“No, her! Definitely female.”
“M… ” I stop. “Don’t even think of asking,” I reply with a quiet firmness.
Kendra looks hard at me, nods her head ‘okay’, while her hands are squeezing mine a bit tighter, as if to encourage me to continue. Her willingness to respect my boundary somehow allows me to do so.
“I would swear I could hear her, feel her presence, and - at least in my mind - see her, as plainly as I am seeing you right now.
“She did something. It felt as though she touched the top of my head. All this energy started to sort of swoosh around and around. I felt dizzy, but blissfully so.
“Then, she spread her arms out, and as she did, I felt like some subtle part of me, more fluid than this body, expanded with her.
“Then, effortlessly, Kendra, I could feel the trees, the snow, the rocks, the water! And I mean, feel them from the inside out. Feel them like I never have before! Maybe, in fact, for the truly first time!
“At some point, I remember her saying to me, ‘Now, you know your true body. It is this precious earth herself that gives you entrance to this realm. Love her as you learn to love yourself.’
“Kendra! Stop! You are going to break my fingers!” I shout.
“Oh! So sorry!”
I can feel the blood rushing back, skin beneath fingernails becoming pink again.
“That is so beautiful!” Kendra’s eyes are watering, and I sense her whole being open and soften, but my response doesn’t match hers. Noticing, she grabs my chin the way my mother used to when she demanded some hidden secret from me.
“Come on! What else.”
“Kendra, I’d rather not talk about it. I mean, I don’t know if I can.”
Maybe it’s time to go back to the fire. Rising, I step to it, and gaze into its flames for a moment.
“She showed me the future.”
“She showed me the future. Kendra, I saw twisted heaps of concrete rubble, and, and people huddled around fires in deserted streets, and…”
“Wait a minute! You saw these things?”
“Yes! All like a high speed movie right where the trees had been! It scared me, and suddenly it all stopped, and the trees were there again, just as they had been. Only, well, I could not feel them as I had done a few moments prior.
“That is when I felt her soften. She told me there is not much time left, time to correct the spell mankind has fallen under, a spell in which we have forgotten that the earth is really our true body, that we are all one family and…and…”
“And, what? Don’t you dare stop now!”
“That in reality there is only one of us here! One being, one soul, caught in a spell, a dream. There is only one of us here!”
“But, isn’t that what Jeshua has said to you, too? ‘You never look upon another, for you see only your self?’”
“Well, yes! But, that makes no sense! Damn, Kendra! And this future junk! I don’t like this stuff! It makes my skin crawl, just as when Jeshua has shown me similar things.”
“What!? When did He do that? Are you hiding things from me?”
I’ve been caught in my own admission, for sure.
“Hey! I plead the fifth amendment on the grounds it may later incriminate me!”
By the look on her face, that ploy isn’t going to cut it with her.
“Y-yes, yes He has. And more. Much more, but He has said it is not yet time for all that. He has spoken of a time coming when America will feel very safe and comfortable, and then that will be shattered. But we will still think the ego’s way of thinking can save the day.”
I need to sit down again. I speak softly.
“But it won’t happen. Only then will we, will the whole world, begin to realize government, or big business, nothing can keep things the way they have been. That we will be forced by the failure of our own miscreations to undergo a massive shift of consciousness. He said that with each passing day, while not being fated, the images shown me are becoming an increasing probability.
“But He also stressed that even what may come soon will become part of the awakening, the ‘end times’ the Bible talks about, except that they have been seriously misconstrued. It’s not a punishment, because God does not punish. We create our experience, and we are all so inextricably linked that, well, that there is really only one of us, one soul that is Humanity, and in it the fulness of Christ already resides, stirring to be remembered, rising to be the authority from which we create, rather than fear and the ego it generates.
“He calls it the ‘Adamic Process.’ Kendra is about to ask the same question I asked Him, so I beat her to the punchline.
“He said He will be revealing more about that in the proper time; that it has something to do with what he really taught when He was here; that it will be shown to me when things are…ripe. It was odd how he paused and emphasized that word, as if it had some special meaning, or something. Anyway, the result will be the coming of heaven to earth. That just as each individual soul must go through its own resistance before it dies to its old ways, so, too, does humanity have to pass through to its next stage of growth.”
“And what is that, exactly?”
“Universal Christ Mind, as natural as ego-mind is to humanity now.”
It’s Kendra’s turn to walk over to the fire, where she sips slowly, very slowly, on her hot spiced wine. It shimmers on her lips in the firelight before her tongue carries the last drops inside.
“That all sounds too incredible for me.”
“I know. I feel the same. It’s beyond me, totally.”
Kendra comes to stand in front of me, now smiling.
“But you know what isn’t beyond you?”
“Oh, god! I nearly forgot! What time is it?”
She comes to me as I stand and steps into my arms.
“I think it’s your time. That is what I think.”
I slip my jacket on. At the door, I turn back to her. Kendra’s smile softens my heart a bit.
“By the way, do you remember that book you loaned me some time ago, the one by a guy named Alan Cohen?
“Yes!” she replies. “Did you read it?”
“No. But, the other night Jeshua suggested - quite strongly - that Alan would be writing a foreword for the book. Can you imagine that? I don’t know a thing about him!”
She clutches the blue binder fondly to her chest.
“Mind if I take care of this for a while?”
I nod a ‘yes’. Had I known what this was soon to mean, the nod would have been a most emphatic ‘no!’
After our eyes meet in silence for a moment, we share one more very long hug, and it’s off to the airport.