March 10, 1982 Wednesday Midnight

PAUL: Tonight I am frustrated, and I am also a little depressed.

RAJ: Go ahead, Paul.

PAUL: …and I realize that lately it seems like all I’m doing is complaining, or saying I don’t understand, or being concerned because nothing is working. I hate to lay that all in your lap all the time. When these conversations first began, I thought that I was going to begin to understand something that I didn’t understand—something which would help me see my experience begin to be constructive, forward-moving, and harmonious. This has not happened. And I guess I have a whole lot of different feelings: angry, hopeless, hopeful, discouraged, and so on.

It seems a little incredible to me that these conversations can occur—which is really far out—but that something as simple as being able to pay my bills doesn’t seem to be possible. It’s sort of like being able to send man to the moon, but not be able to feed everybody right here on earth, you know. At the risk of being disrespectful, “Big Deal!”

RAJ: I understand what you’re saying, Paul.

PAUL: Raj, can you tell me why it would be indicative of the omnipresence and omniaction of my Being for us to have to declare bankruptcy, and for the people to whom we owe money to be out that money that is rightfully theirs?

RAJ: No, I cannot, Paul. You see, Paul, we are not working conceptually at all, here.

PAUL: You’ve lost me Raj. What do you mean we’re not working conceptually at all? What relevance does that have to the fact that I have about $400 to my name, and at least four times that much that needs to go out just to pay the current month’s bills? People are not willing to wait much longer for it.

RAJ: It has a direct bearing, an exact bearing, on it. You are trying to make everything fit into your concept of what is right, instead of simply flowing with What Is. You are so busy reacting to your own thought structures and concepts, and how things look to you, that you are not able to perceive what is really taking place. It is not destructive or unprincipled in any way.

PAUL: Raj, is there any way, while I am sleeping tonight, for me to get some help on this—some background information, or something which will help me to understand this point—when I am not in a conscious position to resist it or block it with my fears and conceptual thinking?

RAJ: I will, indeed, work with you tonight to clear debris and unnecessary garbage which stands in the way.

PAUL: I will truly appreciate that very much. To tell you the truth, I can see that I am beginning to panic somewhat here, and I don’t like that feeling.

RAJ: Paul, do not resist that feeling, but simply do not invest too much attention in it. You can move away from it, where you will not be reached by the apparent dynamics of its meaning. Even if it does not appear to resolve anything from your present point of view, you will, nevertheless, be in the best position possible to have the answer be revealed as your conscious experience. I will ask you to do that this evening before you go to sleep, in preparation for the work we will do while you are sleeping.

PAUL: Very well, I will do that, Raj.

I will say good night for now, and speak with you in the morning.

RAJ: Very well, Paul. Good night, and be aware that I will be working together with you all night tonight.

PAUL: Thank you very much Raj. Good night.

RAJ: Good night, Paul.

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