March 20 1991 Wednesday
Paul: There are still many unanswered questions. And when I consider them, it all becomes very confusing, and I even question whether the questions are valid, or whether they, themselves, constitute a distraction.
As you can see, I am confused. Nevertheless, I obviously need to know more. I will say that my confusion lies in the lack of being able to make a connection between what you are saying and the meeting of our daily needs, or the practical aspects of, let us say, putting out the Newsletter, or any publications, the distribution of the materials, et cetera. Anyway, help me get my nose pointed in the right direction.
Raj: Paul, the problem is that you start considering the questions before you have joined in Communion with me. And thus, you are considering the questions from the standpoint of the ego, from the standpoint of thinking and reasoning and coming to conclusions—the time-worn process of remaining ignorant. So, do not be surprised. And also, do not take the distress associated with this process as valid.
The problem is that you only consciously align yourself with the Homing beacon when you are going to speak with me, or when a Conversation with someone else is going to occur—a Conversation someone else is going to have with me. And, indeed, one of your considerations has been, what if you began your day as though it were the same as approaching a Conversation. And, Paul, you stymie yourself by trying to imagine what that would be like, or how it would work. As you have said jokingly, “How does Raj play Pictionary?” Or how would one Who is totally Awake play games or engage in the daily events of life?
Well, you cannot arrive at an understanding of that through logic and reasoning and figuring things out. You must do it to find out. And I encourage you to do it with a sense of exploration, a sense of curiosity, as always. The elements always remain the same, Paul—the practice of becoming Centered, and then engaging curiosity, and then Listening. In other words, being out from the awareness that is experienced as a result of being Centered with a single-minded devotion to Listening, and then Hearing—or, more accurately, Knowing what is appropriate.
Treat every event of your day as a stepping-stone or trigger to Knowing. I will promise you that once you begin to do this, the concern you have felt about sacrificing yourself by giving your attention entirely to Listening and Hearing will dissolve completely.
Now, whenever you or anyone else engages in a Conversation with me, you are engaging in Communion. And if you approached your day and the apparent demands of it, and the dynamics and elements of it, as though they were in Communion with me, and therefore ultimately in Communion with You, your perception would become radically altered—not only your perception of yourself, but your perception of the day and its elements or dynamics.
Treat your involvement with the many aspects of your day as a holy opportunity for the experience of Communion.
I will counter that thought by pointing out that you did not know what to expect when you first opened up to inner guidance. And you do not have to know what to expect in order to simply embellish the experience of Communion that you are already well familiar with by embracing every other aspect of your day and night in the same way that you embrace “formal Conversations with Raj,” or “Workshops.”
Now, we are going to stop for a moment. I do not want you to think about what I have said. I want you to abide with it for a short time, here, and then we will continue.
Now, I am not going to elaborate further on this point at this time. But I am going to encourage you to dare to treat every life experience in your day with the same reverence, the same devotion that you treat the Conversations which others have with me.
You already know that everyone comes to me for the purpose of having his/her divinity recognized. I want you to start treating every aspect of your day in the same way, whether it is a tree that you are looking at, or an automobile, or your wife, or your son, or any aspect of your day—the bills that come in, et cetera. Treat them as that which comes for the purpose of having its divinity recognized, not your current definition of it. This is very important, and I encourage you to do it with some pleasure. Have a good time with it.
Now, the meaning of the film, War Games, was crystallized in the line, “The only way to win the game, is not to play the game at all.” What do you suppose the first move of ego-hood was which constituted what has come to be called “The Fall”? I will tell you. It was the question, “Who am I?”
Why do you think you are having trouble with your identity? It is because in the process of undoing the movement away from Home, you have been brought back to that initial act of separation—”Who am I?” And if you don’t refrain from asking that question right now, you will not get past that initial act of departure from Sanity into your Wholeness. It is completely inevitable and natural that this issue would come up at this point, because it is the last part of the undoing.
You have, for the better part of your life, this lifetime—and, of course, any prior lifetimes—felt fairly confident that you knew who you were. But now, as you have engaged for the past nine years in being the expression of something that you cannot identify as you, and now you are at a point of being asked to let there be nothing else present where you are but this that you cannot identify as you, this question of who you are becomes paramount to you, and confusing to you, because there seem to be two things going on—you, being who you think you are and have thought you always knew you were, and you, being the presence of something very meaningful, but which you cannot account for. And literally, to get past this impasse, you must simply stop asking and trying to find out who you are.
Tell me, what must inevitably follow such a question as, “Who am I”? It must necessarily be a cognitive process of thinking and reasoning and logic which brings you to a conclusion called a “definition.”
I will point out something to you: Biblically speaking, in the Adam and Eve Allegory, what was the first answer that was the result of that question? The first answer was, “I am ashamed.” The first answer was guilt! The first answer was that which called for forgiveness. That is always the result of the first move of the ego. Then there was a sense of being a man and a woman. And, of course, once those definitions were arrived at, the questions were, “Well, what is that?” and, “What is that?” and, “What is that?” and, “What is that?” And more definitions came tumbling forth. And the only way to win this game of illusion is not to play the game at all.
The only way not to play the game is not to make the first move. And the first move is the question, “Who am I?” And so, if you are going to undo the game, you are going to have to stop asking, “Who am I?” You are going to have to stop energizing and validating that question.
You Are! You are not a “who” or a “what.” You Are! And the proof of your existence is the experience of Consciousness. And the experience of Consciousness is the experience of Knowing. But that is not a thing. That is not an object. That is not something that can be defined. It is a fluid movement of being. And so, understand why you are having this problem at this time, and that the confusion about who you are, and whether you are going to be giving up who you are, is totally illusory, and is an essential quest … ion that needs to be dropped from your awareness. It needs to be released.
Now, that is what you do when these conversation occur. That is what you are doing at this moment. You are not asking who you are, and the experience of Knowing is occurring. And you are very conscious of being. But what it is you are is irrelevant, because it is full of the Meaning of Knowing.
The age-old question, “Who am I?” is a straw dog. It is bait. The suggestion is that if you can find out who you are, you will be fulfilled. And it has been a lie!
So, now you are at a point of having the conscious opportunity to release that first move away from Home. And that is why it seems so paramount. I will leave you on that point for the time being.