January 20, 1991 Sunday
Paul: This has been a miserable day—headache, and it feels like depression. It’s certainly frustration, canceling appointments. And you said in the Pacific Palisades Workshop that pain was unacknowledged Good. And you’ve also indicated that pain is resistance. And I realize that since we spoke, I have checked in with you minimally. So, all I’m going to say is, “Ouch!”
Raj: Ouch, indeed, Paul! And notice that the ego uses the ouch as justification for not speaking with me when that is exactly when the need for Centered perspective is greatest, and when there is optimum opportunity for clarification, breakthrough, the breaking of a boundary.
Now, you must remember that we are together. Your perception says you are somehow at a great distance from me in a time-space continuum. That is inaccurate and confusing.
Although you may not have connected with me as frequently as would have been helpful, nevertheless, the connections which have occurred have specifically contributed to the reduction of that confusion. I realize that today you have seemed quite bound, quite confined, quite uncomfortable. This is not because your movement has stopped, but because it is moving, and continuing to move, through resistance, through more protocols, weakening them, unstabilizing them, so that they may also fall away for lack of cohesiveness—so-called structural integrity.
Paul: Raj, what am I to do with the fact that today’s experiences could so easily be explained or conceptualized as attack, or, you know, picking up on world concern about the so-called war, picking up on the mentality, you might say, of the Iraqi endeavor, or even a more personal attack closer to home—the expression of anger, and the fact that it seems necessary to remain alert to what I’ll call mental threats, or mental invasion?
Raj: If that were, indeed, the case, Paul, what could you do about them? And if you could not do anything about them, and were therefore stuck, then where is the Integrity of You? Is it some useless, wonderful idea? Or is it a Fact? And if it is a Fact, then what difference does it make what others are energizing within themselves and incarcerating themselves with?
Illusion is in the eye of the beholder, not “out-there.” We have been addressing ourselves these past days to anchoring you at Home, the Place in which your imaginary travels have occurred. I will tell you that this is ultimately the only way to deal with illusion. You cannot improve an illusion. You can only replace it with the clarity of Truth, the experience of what is Real. And that means that you must be willing to give your attention, your investment of curiosity, in Reality rather than attempting to fix up the illusion.
This is why you Listen. This is why you agree to make no decisions by yourself. Because the only comradeship that you can possibly have, the only mutuality that can occur which is not illusory, is with me—is with one Who is Awake, one Who can, by virtue of His Awakeness, disclose to you not only what is Real that you are having misperceptions of, but Who can also illuminate Your Real presence to you by virtue of having your attention present where your Reality exists to be experienced.
I am aware that this sounds repetitious. But it is simply a clear expression of the real issue—or shall we say, the real solution. Indeed, the ego can come up with many interpretations of what is happening, but I will also tell you that it is limited to the use of thinking to arrive at those imaginative conclusions. If you will refrain from thinking, and Listen, as I have said, you will save yourself the distress and the distraction of such imaginativeness.
What is not yet registering with you is that there truly is at this time a movement which you could call “regaining Consciousness.” You see, to live in illusion is to live in a state of being unconscious of Reality. Remember that I told you there would be other experiences of disorientation as you “regain Consciousness.” Today is another example, which your ego has tended to interpret as personal shortcomings, personal incapacity, personal incompetence, et cetera, when in fact, it is the result of disorientation as your Real surroundings begin to register with you and do not compute with the way you had been perceiving them. Again, I encourage you to remember this, so that you might more quickly remember to check in, connect with me, and remain consciously with me when this happens again.
This is the meaning of the “scales falling from your eyes.” And I will tell you something: You will never see where they went. The only way you will know that they have fallen away is that suddenly you will see things more clearly, even if the meaning of the clarity feels strange or nonsensical. But, you will not be able to look around on the ground to see what the scales were.
This informs you of the fact that you will not Awaken by virtue of understanding what the scales are or what they were, because, you see, although they literally block your perception of Reality, they are illusion. To try to find them before they fall away, or to try to find them after they fall away, is ridiculous. There is nothing to them. But there is most definitely something to the clarity which it is your Birthright to be experiencing, and which is being uncovered to you more significantly. Again—and I will say it over and over again—it will happen most smoothly as a result of staying in touch with me. It is not the word “me” that is important. It is the words “in touch.” Connected. Experiencing Home as the Place where you and I are communicating.
This communication is not interdimensional. These communications have always been a demonstration of Unity Consciousness. To come back into your right Mind, is to “regain Consciousness.” And we will say Consciousness with a capital “C,” not a dream state.
I want you to notice, Paul, that as we talk about “regaining Consciousness,” which is what Graduation is about, and as it has begun to sink in that this is what it is about, you have found yourself getting sleepy. Not truly sleepy from exhaustion, but heavy-lidded, dopey, and irresistibly drawn into sleep. That is why I have said to converse with me with your eyes open.
You see, it is an interesting phenomenon in that if you allow yourself to be aware of your presence Here at Home with me, you are experiencing what you might call a great state of unconsciousness. In other words, it is as though your only sense or experience of being Here is one of Hearing me, which then truly implies that there is more for you to be aware of that is not registering with you. To be unconscious of it is not experienced as desirable. It does constitute a limitation which does not set well with you. Indeed, from this standpoint, it is easier for you, as I said the other day, to look. In other words, “want to see.”
On the other hand, if you conceive yourself to not be Here with me, but rather in the three-dimensional frame of reference, listening to me over some great distance, some infinite line of communication, it seems as though you are fully conscious. And that in order to make this shift, you must become unconscious—unconscious of whatever the illusion is. And so, in order to avoid the loss, you withdraw from me—or shall I say, the sidekick, Bumbling Paul, withdraws from me—by becoming sleepy, and becoming even more unconscious. But this is a means of avoiding the loss.
Can you see how consistent it is with the limited frame of reference, that one would protect it, substantiate it, by literally becoming even more unconscious. It is almost irresistible. From one standpoint, the Fourth-dimensional standpoint, unconsciousness is something to be relieved of. Whereas, from the standpoint of the three-dimensional-only frame of reference, it is unconsciousness which is desirable, advantageous, and worthy of an investment of trust.
You have not cooperated with this feeling of the desirability of sleep. You have conscientiously chosen to remain awake by moving around, by keeping your eyes open, and by checking in with me rather frequently. This is excellent. But, as I have said, I want you to understand this perspective that I have shared with you.
The reason this drowsiness, this sleepiness, is occurring is because, as I said, there actually is a movement, a shift occurring called “regaining Consciousness.” This is not in your control. It is happening because it is inevitable. It is happening because it is natural to you to be Awake—to be in your right Mind. Therefore, I am saying, be prepared for some surprises. Be prepared for that which you are not expecting, because this movement is happening.
The experiences of today were unexpected. The experience yesterday of feeling light-headed, of feeling like you were coming apart at the seams, but not in collapse—rather, in upliftment, because protocols were losing their integrity and falling away—was unexpected.
You see, we cannot proceed further—and I mean this is terms of the work—until you are able to find yourself with me. Else you will experience more of the sense of vulnerability and insecurity that you have recently been experiencing, because you have discounted yourself in the process of expressing what I am saying.
This discounting had its place initially, because without it you would not even have heard me. But now your Being, and shall I say the unfoldment of Being, Itself, is moving beyond the threshold that your discounted sense of self can bear. And you must enlarge enough to embrace your Presence, along with mine. Your conscious intent to be present with me, knowing that you are present with me rather than my being present with you, must be consciously experienced. After all, this process isn’t for the purpose of uncovering me. It is for the purpose of uncovering You to you as You.
If you continue trying to be a three-dimensional man channeling a Fourth-dimensional energy, you will collapse. This is why I am repetitively expressing the fact that being with me is entirely, for lack of better words, a Fourth-dimensional relationship that doesn’t bridge any gap between the Fourth and the third dimension. It is therefore time for you to get to know your Self—something you can only do in communion with me, or in communion with the Holy Spirit, or in communion with the Father. It requires a joining from the Fourth dimension with That which is Fourth-dimensional.
There is no such thing as a joining with something Fourth-dimensional from the third dimension. Therefore, it must become clear to you that since our very first conversation, you and I have been functioning Fourth-dimensionally. That is why I told you that you had crossed over into the Fourth dimension well, even though I did not elaborate. And until now you have had no idea that you have been functioning Fourth-dimensionally, at least to this extent: when we have been working together, either privately or with groups or with individuals. I can tell you now because nine years of experience are absolutely undeniable, and your ego can do nothing with the information to undermine it, and therefore this expansion can occur.
Now, you must carry this picture with you, this context that you have grasped since we began this series of conversations; that indeed our communication has been communion. It has been occurring entirely in the Fourth dimension. In other words, it has been entirely Fourth-dimensional. And that therefore you have been functioning Fourth-dimensionally without knowing it.
You must begin to choose for this constantly. And you must choose for it in this context of already being Home. Not as an absolute idea, but as an actual experience of nine years’ standing. And you must, in the clarity of that context, contrasted with your three-dimensional perception of things, find it easier to release the investment of faith and energy and attraction to ignorance, isolation, and illusion.
Now, we are going to stop talking for tonight. Before you retire for the night, listen to this conversation in its entirely, and we will speak tomorrow.